"I have seen you here before", commented the chaplain. She remembered me from a couple of months ago. The thought had already occurred to me. I knew it would not be long before I would join another family in the same room - a cold sterile room in which the first "Good-byes" are said. Emotions are raw in this room. No one is ready for loss.
Memorial Day originally signaled a time to remember those who gave their lives in battle. I saw a piece on the news yesterday where children from another country celebrated fallen U.S. soldiers by placing flags at a cemetery dedicated to these men. The children learned our "Star Spangled Banner." Their history would have been different had the U.S. not come to their aid during World War I. The comment was made, "All that was ever asked was a small piece of land to bury soldiers." Seems like a small thing.
Today, Memorial Day reaches beyond our military servants to remind us of those who fought for us in normal attire. The many who invested in our lives who may not have worn military uniforms deserve similar tribute. Many today find it hard to abide military language. However, when it comes down to it, much of what we face is well described as a "battle." We battle with loss, grief, depression and the like when thinking of those we love whose physical presence has been take from us.
I am glad we can move from the sterility of an Emergency Room to a place filled with the warmth of family and friends. We celebrated Jim's life in the same way we celebrated Lyle's with the hope of Resurrection. It may not be good to conflate the life of one into another. But, from this side of both losses it reminds of the variety of investments people make in our lives.
Lyle was a good friend. Jim offered my girls another "grandpa." Lyle seemed to fade pressure. Jim never let on to his physical pain. Lyle faced life with an apparent calm. Jim expressed his hope much the same. Lyle had that body-shaking laugh. Jim flashed that inimitable smile. Lyle taken early. Jim in twice the time. Both a loss. Commonalities help solidify reflections on the value of life, the value of people. This reflection is a day late but the thoughts have been brewing since a week ago Monday evening ...
Shared experiences strengthen relationships. Sometimes we face something bigger than us. We often look around for someone(s) to help steady the way ahead.
It is special when those we find walking beside us share in our experience. The familiarity found breeds safety and not contempt. Others may mean well but there is nothing like that brother or sister in whom you can confide; in whom you can trust with your feelings without fear. Occasionally it will be the silence that helps.
Sunday, May 7, at 3:00 p.m. Natalie will graduate from Wheaton. We are proud of you!
