Providing the Balance

I have been listed as a contributor on this blog for quite a while now, but have not posted anything until now. I am a believer in the old addage "If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all." I am a believer in it, but not very good at practicing it. I just happen to be extra careful when it comes to group blogs. I have to say that I have been thinking about Lyle the last couple weeks. I have been wondering if I would be where I currently am theologically, if I still had Lyle to bounce things off of. Lyle always provided a good balance for me as I tend to jump in with both feet. He was usually there to offer a hand back out of the deep end and always without making me feel like the "greenhand" that I was. I always respected Lyle's experience. He had "been there and done that" with most of the theological wandering I was / am doing. I wonder if I would be as theologically liberal as I am right now if I still had Lyle to bounce things off of. I also wonder if I am as theologically liberal as I feel like I am. Lyle was often my counterweight on these issues. I hope I can someday help disciple someone in as kind and calm a manner as Lyle helped me.

Unfinished life

My grandma mentioned tonight that my dad had been building shutters for someone right before he died, and the other day she came across everything that he had had laid out in the barn. So many more things were left unfinished…

The week after Dad’s passing, he and mom were supposed to have started planning for their retirement through the fire department.

One time while at a craft show with Mom, Dad had seen a tire swing that looked like a horse saddle. He wanted to buy it, so that maybe by the time he was a grandpa, the trees on our land would be big enough to hang a tire swing on.

Like Todd said at the service, Dad’s death came too soon. I think that’s okay to say. I think now we are realizing more and more the things that were left unfinished, everything from shutters to time spent with family and friends…

Memorial

Today we went to the Fallen and Living Firefighters Memorial Service at the firefighters' museum to honor Dad.

The fire department has been amazing since we lost Dad, and they have considered his death one of "in the line of duty." For the memorial service, his name was listed under "supreme sacrifice," along with other Oklahoma firefighters who have died in the line of duty. He is also listed on the wall of fallen firefighters, and we got to do a pencil sketch of the engraving.

The grounds of the museum and the memorial wall are beautiful, and the Oklahoma State Firefighters' Association put on a moving, honoring service. It really is one big family, like they say...

Thinking about a phone call ...

Last night Patty and I attended Stacy's wedding. We did not make the first Tuttle High School football game. Try as we might we could not find out how the game had gone. Late in the evening we discovered the weather had interrupted the game and Tuttle was behind. They lost to Marlow 8-7.

I thought of last football season. Generally when I did not make an away game I could count on a phone call from Lyle. He would give me a run down. I missed that call last night. During home games when he was at the station he would call me to see how the game was going. If he was not at the station we would be sitting at about the 50-yard line watching his Alma Mater tee it up. I will miss the calls and my friend in the stands.

I am watching the OU game. Right now OU is tied with UAB at halftime. Again, if Lyle were not at the game he would have invited friends over to watch the game. No doubt he would be a bit disappointed OU was not up at least 21-7. Yet, he would be optimistic.

The season will be a bit longer this year.

However, I am reminded of the description in Hebrews of the great cloud of witnesses that surround us. I suspect Lyle may see the games I see from a different seat. Who knows? We'll find out one day.

A reminder ... what would he have written? ...

Charie and I shared an e-mail conversation yesterday . You can tell he read this blog from time to time as he wrote,

In my rant email yesterday I was thinking last night that it sure would be nice to have read what Lyle would have written in his blog. He and I seemed to have similar thoughts on things, while his were usually more down home and based on common sense.

This reminded me how often I too wonder what Lyle might have thought or written. I wonder if while working out and watching Fox just what he might say having read what provoked Charlie's original e-mail - Milking It?

I am not sure I could come close to putting into words Lyle's possible thoughts. Instead, Charlie simply reminded me of the various ways our friend comes to mind - with a great deal of regularity.

Living the "with God life" ...

I found some talks online with Todd Hunter and Dallas Willard. Since some come to this site due to the title and its connection with Dallas Willard's, Divine Conspiracy. I thought it not a bad idea to link to them. Go here.

Glad your home ...

My hard drive crashed a few weeks ago and I am just now getting things in order to post. I was able to recover my pictures. I will have some things to post in the coming days here at Divine Conspirator.

In the meantime I wanted to say it is good Natalie and Evette made it back from Chicago safe. It will be good to have Natalie around for a time. I am sure Nathan and Evette agree. We do too.

Familiar places ... reminders ...

"I have seen you here before"”, commented the chaplain. She remembered me from a couple of months ago. The thought had already occurred to me. I knew it would not be long before I would join another family in the same room -– a cold sterile room in which the first "Good-byes"” are said. Emotions are raw in this room. No one is ready for loss.

Memorial Day originally signaled a time to remember those who gave their lives in battle. I saw a piece on the news yesterday where children from another country celebrated fallen U.S. soldiers by placing flags at a cemetery dedicated to these men. The children learned our "“Star Spangled Banner."” Their history would have been different had the U.S. not come to their aid during World War I. The comment was made, "“All that was ever asked was a small piece of land to bury soldiers."” Seems like a small thing.

Today, Memorial Day reaches beyond our military servants to remind us of those who fought for us in normal attire. The many who invested in our lives who may not have worn military uniforms deserve similar tribute. Many today find it hard to abide military language. However, when it comes down to it, much of what we face is well described as a "“battle."” We battle with loss, grief, depression and the like when thinking of those we love whose physical presence has been take from us.

I am glad we can move from the sterility of an Emergency Room to a place filled with the warmth of family and friends. We celebrated Jim'’s life in the same way we celebrated Lyle'’s with the hope of Resurrection. It may not be good to conflate the life of one into another. But, from this side of both losses it reminds of the variety of investments people make in our lives.

Lyle was a good friend. Jim offered my girls another "grandpa."” Lyle seemed to fade pressure. Jim never let on to his physical pain. Lyle faced life with an apparent calm. Jim expressed his hope much the same. Lyle had that body-shaking laugh. Jim flashed that inimitable smile. Lyle taken early. Jim in twice the time. Both a loss. Commonalities help solidify reflections on the value of life, the value of people.

This reflection is a day late but the thoughts have been brewing since a week ago Monday evening ...

Strong Bonds ... Special Times ...

Shared experiences strengthen relationships. Sometimes we face something bigger than us. We often look around for someone(s) to help steady the way ahead.

The beauty of the NT Greek word for comfort indicates what really helps is other people. Jesus described the Spirit as the very presence of God "coming alongside." Much could be made of what this means. One nuance for me indicates someone who walks beside. While they may help me move forward and may even know the way better, they have not run ahead calling back to me. Instead, they walk alongside, steady my balance.

It is special when those we find walking beside us share in our experience. The familiarity found breeds safety and not contempt. Others may mean well but there is nothing like that brother or sister in whom you can confide; in whom you can trust with your feelings without fear. Occasionally it will be the silence that helps.

The journey is made better together. Expressing our need for each other helps us understand and live into our humanity. Thinking we can go it alone, do it by ourselves, plays into the long standing temptation to be "god."

Jesus gathered disciples. He celebrated children. Accepted women. The relational nature of the Triune God. All remind us of the description of loneliness experienced by the first human when God said it was not good to be alone. We need traveling partners.






Our way is made warmer and stronger according the writer of Proverbs ...

Scenes from Wheaton ...

I will be putting some pics up from Evette and Nathan's trip to see Natalie for graduation. Stay tuned.

Congratulatons!

Sunday, May 7, at 3:00 p.m. Natalie will graduate from Wheaton. We are proud of you!

Life changes ... Our adjustments

We may all be moving to cheaper forms of transportation if the price of gas holds at these levels and continues to climb. Surely the price of a gallon of gas used to fuel Lyle's motorcycle in this picture was much less than the $2.76 I paid this morning to fill up my truck. I am told that once we reach a given price per gallon for gas it is not long before we make the adjustments and accept the new price. The new price becomes the norm as we adjust our tolerance level up.

Life changes call for adjustments. We may not like the changes, but we have to make the adjustments in order to move forward.

I stopped by to drop off some information for Pastor Fred this week. We talked about life and how things were going as we continued to work through the loss of our friend. One of the things we talked of centered on our view of life after a dramatic change. We really would like to go back. I know I am not the only one who would prefer to roll the calendar back more than six weeks and see what could be done to avoid our loss. We cannot do that and so we are left to consider what to do about the changes in life.

My friend Brett led a grief seminar at our church a few years ago. I pulled out those notes to think through the loss of a friend. One of the key questions a person would need to answer in order to continue to work through the experience of grieving struck me. "What does this mean in my life?" There is a wide range of issues that accompany the consideration of this question. At the very least it means things have changed. I will have to make adjustments - to my thinking about life, friends, the future, health, family and on and on.

Too many times we think there is a prescribed period of time that will "heal all wounds." Time does not heal. Time gives us space and permission to continue to the other side. The other side does not mean forgetting. It does not mean the end of hurt and pain. Instead, the other side means a coming to grips with the answers to important questions raised by the experience. Time helps us to adjust.

We would do well to remember the amount of time one needs will vary from person to person. Continuing to answer the important questions together - as family and friends - will help us find strength in the relationships with which God blesses us. We need each other.

Heavier Things ... Daughters ...

Robert Kellog, President of the Baptist Foundation of Oklahoma, once made a comment, "All great men have two daughters." My friend Jeff Moore found this a great comment as he and Sharla have two girls. Naturally, I found this to my liking.

Many would think this means men who have sons and daughters are not great men. I really think what Robert was saying spoke to the important relationship between "Daddys" and "Daughters." One of my favorite songs is my John Mayer titled, Daughters." The chorus line offers a solid challenge,

So Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do,
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
Mothers be good to your daughters too.

Lyle loved his daugther. I mentioned in my time of sharing about Lyle just a month ago how proud he was of Natalie. She challenged him. Natalie challenges me. Once she finished reading a book for a given class Natalie often passed it on to Lyle. Some of the subjects and often the content forced us to think about life and faith from differing perspectives. Neatly tucked away in the Bible Belt our ways of thinking can be really obtuse.

Our children comprise the fascinating combination of their parents. Sometimes these "passed on traits" are obvious and somtimes they are latent. All of the time they are present. Too many men miss the import of time with their daughters. Afraid they will break, girls are often relegated to "Mom's project." There is a current critique regarding the feminization of the male; too soft some are saying. There is a great loss of what it means to be a man. Documentation seems at least offer some support.

Yet, Dads who will pay attention to their daughters will not be feminized but rather they will be completed. You could say it is like the development of a good character in a novel. Apart from the experience with his daughters a Daddy may not develop in ways God intended him to otherwise.

There is little doubt Lyle was a man's man. Just ask Jason, Nathan and Eddie to tell the "hand towell" story. He was also his daugther's biggest fan. Sensitivites and perspective may have developed further than expected while learning about life through the eyes of his daughter.

Next month Natalie will graduate from Wheaton. In the same way he stood proud with her when she graduted from Tuttle, Lyle will be proud as she accepts the title graduate a second time. We too often refer to those who have gone before us as if they "were" something that they "are" not now. What a mistake. Sunday we celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus. Our embracing of his hope in resurrection gives us confidence in our own resurrection as his "joint-heir." In the hope of resurrection we know Lyle "is" proud of Natalie.

Hope unites the people of God ... Moves us forward ...

There is an old saying, "It is easier to get forgiveness than permission." Our April newsletter at Snow Hill contained the following gem from Jason. He did not have the picture to post so here is to hoping for forgiveness by posting his thoughts here.

The Lenten Season is almost over. Easter is just a couple weeks away. For me and many others in our community this Lenten Season has been scarred by pain. Not the pain of sacrifice, but the pain of loss. It has been over two weeks since Lyle Burris passed away. His passing has been difficult for my family. Many Sunday evenings you could find the Shepherds playing dominoes with Lyle and Evette. Grace and Emma would eventually weasel their way into his lap usually with a cookie. The Sunday of his passing we shared a meal together after church. Grace and Lyle sat together. I can still see him cutting ravioli up for her.

He set behind us at church. He picked up the crayons, hair bows, paper, Polly Pockets, and candy that the girls inevitably drop on a weekly basis. He was going to be a good Grandfather some day. Since the passing of my father a few years back I had started relying on Lyle for the advice a son sometimes needs from his father. I never told him that. I didn’t need to. He would have been mad at me for thinking he was old enough to fill that role.

I’m not going to try and justify his death. It would only lead to dishonoring him and God. Death is the inevitable burden that unites all of humanity. Hope is the blessing that unites all of God’s people. Hope is not a quick fix. Hope can only heal the wounds of loss slowly over time. There are many other things I could say about Lyle. I’m going to miss him. He was a good friend.

Jason Shepherd, from the April 2006 Snow Hill Newsletter

You can take the boy out of sports ... but not sports out of the boy ...

Growing up in Tuttle carries with it the expectation to play sports. Late summer and fall Saturday nights find many parents watching their young boys playing football under the lights at Bill Hinkle Field. Each aspires to play for the Tuttle Tigers. Beginning Friday nights in September the stadium is full of eager young boys longing for the day when they may take the field as they watch the Varsity Tigers take the field.

Football is not the only sport in Tuttle. Boys baseball and wrestling get good billing with basketball not far behind. Girls softball enjoys a great deal of success and there are always hopes for a solid girls basketball team.

Lyle played for the Tigers. He enjoyed attending the games. We took in most home games this past season sitting on the 50 yard line. Craig, and sometimes Kimberly joined us. When Lyle had to be at the "Station" he would call to get the score. We enjoyed watching the Tigers win the Class 3A State Championship this past December. On the way home we talked about Zack Mincy's running that night - it was special to get to see.

This week when the news about Kelvin Sampson taking the job at Indiana came out I was reminded of a number of conversations over the past few months. Lyle would talk with a sense of frustration as we followed the Sooners Men's Basketball team. I remember Lyle saying he should have turned the game off as the Sooners would drop a game we thought they sh0ould have won. It would be eespecially intense if they were winning until he turned on the game only to watch them lose. The Sooners were his "team."

Many parents relive their sports careers through their children. Lyle did not seem to do so. Nathan's decision to quit playing football and focus on basketball and his choice to play golf rather than baseball only meant Lyle would alter what sport he watched his son play. We often talked about the undue pressure placed on young people to succeed at sports. Many a parent believes their child a sure future "Hall of Fame" candidate if they were just given the chance. Today we would do well to encourage our children in their pursuits rather than push them to pursue what we want/did. Sports offers a great number of life learning experiences. Long after downs are played and innings finished these lessons linger.

We coud adapt an old saying which is true on a number of levels - You can take the boy (or man) out of sports but you cannot take sports out of the boy (man).

Beginnings of a "Conspiracy" ...

We often worry about those who may conspire against us. The news reporter looked nearly speechless as he relayed the testimony in the recent 9/11 trail of Moussaoui. The would be terrorist noted more details of an alleged conspiracy to fly a plane into the White House. Those who conspire against us should be watched.

However, those who conspire for us should be heeded. When we talked of unpacking the title to Willard's book, The Divine Conspiracy, we thought the provocations of the word, "conspiracy" helpful to understand the work of grace. Robert Benson describes the One who conspires for us to be the Dreamer. The conspiring to make Lyle a child of God began with the commitment of his parents to trust him to the Lord.

LYLE ALAN BURRIS, 43, of Tuttle, passed away Sunday, March 12, 2006. Lyle was a wonderful husband, father, son, and friend. He will be greatly missed by all who knew him.

Lyle was born on October 26, 1962, to C.B and Janet Burris, in El Reno, Oklahoma.

Living out Deuteronomy 6, C.B and Janet conspired with the Lord to raise Lyle to trust LORD God. Many refer to an old proverb, "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it," as inspiration for diligence in living out a life of faith before their children. The proverb also implies another important truth - raise a child to do what he wants and when he is old all he will do is what he wants.

Lyle enjoyed a divinely conspired heritage through which he trusted the One who conspired to make him a child.

Tribute in the Template ...

I am working to make some changes to Lyle's template. I have shamelessly borrowed my brother's three column version and will need to make the necessary changes to convert all links, etc to those Lyle had posted. This is a bit tedious for a novice hack. I hope to have this completed soon. Keep checking back. Once the template has been converted, we will make this a group blog of sorts to keep the themes and memory of our friend alive.

Tribute Coming ...

Lyle began this blog almost two years ago. Inspired to blog by his daughter, Natalie, he often interacted with the themes in Dallas Willard's, Divine Conspiracy.

Sunday evening, March 12,2006, Lyle suffered a heart attack and died. Yet, he lives as he trusted in the Triune God who conspired to make him not only his, but to lead him into a life of faith with the hope of Jesus in the Resurrection.

We celebrated his life, Thursday, March 16, 2006, with family and friends at the Snow Hill Baptist Church in Tuttle, Oklahoma.